Assisting Janis

Let me start by saying I have been receiving excellent care. The situations I am about to describe I take full responsibility for!

Of course both events involve showering, that is my new obsession. I'm still at a loss at the expectation that two showers a week is somehow ok. I would think there would be something in the Geneva Convention about that, but I digress. The first example actually happened a week ago. I was still a "fall risk" so they kept turning my bed alarm on like a smal child! Lindsay Lohan got an ankle bracelet, you would think I could have earned at least that!

No matter, I figured out how to disarm the bed so I could at least go to the bathroom. So the Aide comes in and asks me if I would like to shower? Of course I'm all over that! So he gets everything ready And let's me know I'm good to go hmmm, he must know about the bed alarm and clearly doesn't know I'm not even allowed to pee alone. But what a treat! I'm going to get a shower and nobody will be watching me (voyeurism just isn't as much fun if you're not on a date) I can do this, it's not like I wasn't showering at home just three days ago. So I thanked him, disarmed my bed and headed for the shower. My head is pounding and spinning from the Spinal Tap, my legs and arms aren't really my own with all the tingling and weakness, but dang I'm going to get that shower! I made it but it wasn't pretty or safe. I crawled into bed a shaking, painful mess. Not to mention I went to bed with wet hair and that's never a good look.

So last night, new hospital, new shower, down by the infamous Nurses Station. Saturday is my "day" and I'm not going to miss it. Again the Aide gets everything ready (they don't pay them enough for that job) and then asks me if I would like to walk to the shower. I wonder? Maybe I've just been relying on the walker because it's there? Because I can't wait to see how Rae Ann is going to knit a Diet Coke holder for it. Maybe I can walk there and I've just been too scars to try? Relax! I didn't give up the walker, but I didn't mention that I need the wheelchair as well. I made it to the shower, further than I've ever walked! Got my shower (that hospital soap really is kind of nice shampoo) and now I'm ready to go back. It's time to head back. I make it about 15 feet and realize I'm not going to make it. I tell the nice Aide and she is confused, she doesn't have a wheelchair with her. My arms give out first so now I'm draped across the walker (thank god I wore sweatpants with my hospital gown or... You get the picture) she arrives with the wheelchair and we make it back. I am now on Vicadin for the pain I have caused my body. Lesson learned.

On a happier note, Annie came to see me today! I could BE WHEELED down to the front entrance and hang out with her. It was the best therapy ever!